By Steve Phenicie, Atlanta Audubon volunteer and guest blogger
Bird Fest, despite the postponement this year because of the coronavirus pandemic, has become a highly successful event. But what if the birds held a People Fest? Would we see offerings such as these?
Opening Weekend Keynote Address Featuring Big Bird: Big Bird is among the few avians who have learned to speak the human language and appeared regularly in their moving picture box. He will share his many experiences among this fascinating species with us. Special blend of bird seed created especially for this event will be served.
Humaning the Florida Beaches: Participants will travel to Panama City to observe homo sapiens engage in the mysterious behavior of shedding most of their outer coverings, slattering an oily substance on their bodies, and then roasting themselves on the sand. Cost of an overnight roost in Panama City not included in trip.
Exploring the Habitat of the UGA Pigskin Worshipper: You’ll have the chance to fly to Athens on a glorious autumn afternoon to see them in their native surroundings. Tens of thousands clad in red and black gather to feed and consume a liquid that sends them into a frenzy. They then enter a large oval to watch an elongated object being transported over a line on the ground. Lunch of stale bread is included in the cost of this expedition. Trip not appropriate for nestlings that have not yet fledged.
The Beltline Urbanite in Action: These creatures have greatly increased in numbers in recent years thanks to improvement in their habitat. You’ll see them migrate from one part of the city to another for no apparent reason. Trip has been scheduled for a weekend afternoon when they are especially active. You’re sure to enjoy the crud-flavored popcorn spilled here and there!
Grocery Store Extravaganza: Nothing quite compares with the sight of seeing people gather food and other objects they deem essential. Date of this event will not be announced until snow flurries are predicted – humans are the most intense at this time. The highlight will be a visit to the toilet paper aisle. Smashed french fries will be available on the hard surface where travel devices are parked.
Don’t forget to buy your raffle tickets for a custom-made nest built of mud and sticks of your choice. (If you’re a cowbird and therefore don’t need your own nest, you’ll be allowed to choose an item of comparable value.)
Thank you for supporting Atlanta People Fest!